


there's no stopping this (there's no stopping us)

by capra, chupacabra (butyoumight)



Series: live with me forever (just not for long) [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Canon-Compliant, M/M, Open Relationship, injury mention: ankle, post-Rostelecom 2018, soft not-boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 15:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capra/pseuds/capra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/butyoumight/pseuds/chupacabra
Summary: After Yuzuru re-injures his ankle at Rostelecom Cup 2018, Nathan - who happened to be in Moscow for his own reasons - pays him a visit."Right now, they're at the start of this thing between them. They're having this conversation about beginnings, formalizing the heat and pleasure they've shared enough times to know that they want to do it again, checking each other's page numbers before they chuck the manual aside and figure it out as they go. And Yuzu doesn't want to canonize their ending before they've finished writing their beginning. So he doesn't try to say all the things that he could, and he stops thinking about them, too. He reels his thoughts in, drags them back down to earth, to this moment, to Nathan Wei Chen and himself in a hotel room in Moscow, to ice and careful hands and hair that needs petting and lips that need kissing."





	there's no stopping this (there's no stopping us)

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on a narrow range of cherrypicked personality qualities culled from my personal and very biased interpretation of the publically available personas of real human beings who are, I am quite certain, not similar at all to how they're depicted here.
> 
> In short, it's complete fiction.
> 
> *
> 
> [For screen readers: there is an image at the top of the fic before it begins. Description of the image: A screenshot of a text conversation on an iPhone. The sender, Nathan, has saved the contact, Yuzu, as 'capra.' Conversation text is below.]  
> N: fuck, man  
> Y: you heard? (distressed kaomoji)  
> N: i'm here. moscow.  
> Y: (confused kaomoji)  
> N: i came with raf  
> N: can I see you?  
> Y: (hesitant/suspicious kaomoji)  
> N: come on  
> Y: room 712

_Moscow. November, 2018._  

*

*

*

It might be, Nathan thought, that the biggest problem with the ethereal nature of his relationship with Yuzuru was that he didn’t know what kind of thing to bring him to make him feel better.

That knowledge, or lack thereof - well, it's especially jarring, feels inappropriate somehow, simply because they have this... Relationship. Thing. Between them. It’s not quite like boyfriends - Nathan knows damn well that they both put skating first, school second, their own health third, and interpersonal relationships somewhere between fifth and seventh, depending. But whenever they're in the same place, they gravitate towards each other, and sometimes they have sex and sometimes they just spend time together, and every time Nathan's awash in the wonder of getting to just exist alongside his greatest idol. And, he guesses, Yuzuru must get something out of it too, or it would have fallen by the wayside some time ago. 

The ethereality of what that something might be, or in fact of the relationship in full, didn’t bother Nathan. Every part of their relationship, whatever it was, had developed, and continued to grow, only in the liminal spaces created by competition. And that felt right, he thought; that came with the territory. Yet, that same is-but-isn’t quality was what was making things  _ particularly  _ difficult right now, in this moment, which - if he’s being honest - Nathan had hoped he’d never  _ have  _ to know how to handle.

He hadn't been expecting to see Yuzuru before the Final. (He  _ had  _ been expecting to see Yuzuru  _ at  _ the Final.) Even as he made plans with Raf to meet up in Moscow, Yuzu’s presence there didn’t factor into his plans. And it wouldn’t have, if Yuzuru hadn't aggravated his still-healing injury. If Yuzu hadn’t injured himself this morning, Nathan's pretty sure they wouldn't have seen each other at all, even though they were, hilariously, staying in the same hotel. 

So, unprepared in two ways, Nathan doesn't have any gifts or offerings to help Yuzuru feel better. Just their text exchange letting him know it's okay to come, and a handful of rubles in his pocket so they can order something from the room service menu if Yuzuru would like, and himself, knocking at Yuzuru’s hotel room door. 

\---

The knock at the door is anticipated, and a little sooner than Yuzu expected.  As a result, he's still icing his ankle when Nathan arrives.

"Ah, coming!" he calls, pitching his voice to carry through the thick hotel door. He wiggles his foot out from the sandwich of ice packs laid under and over it, using his hands to turn his butt on the bed to face the long side and swing his knees over the side. His left foot, blessedly unbothered by the whole situation, supports him stably as he hops, one-footed, over to grab his crutch, then crosses the rest of the ensuite to peer through the peephole, then unbar and open the door.  As it swings inward, Yuzu grips the door with his right hand for stability, and holds his crutch in his left, while he hops back to give Nathan space to enter.

"You stand so close to the door, I only see your hair in the, uh, window," he laughs, pointing at the peephole for clarity.  Then he leans forward to loop Nathan into a half-hug with his left arm, weight balanced stably on his left foot. "Hi, Nathan."

Nathan wass anticipating the crutch- he'd seen some pictures of him leaving the rink after all. But it's still... It's always tough to see. They all do everything they can to avoid this, but it still happens. Too much.

"Shit." Is the first word he says, as Yuzuru balances his crutch and his weight between the door and a one-armed hug for Nathan. He returns the squeeze and reaches to hold the door so Yuzuru can reorient his crutch. "I should have asked the desk to call up or something, bring someone with a key."

Nathan scrunches his face up at the jibe on his height- or is it a jibe on his hair? And running a hand through the newly cut locks, he sticks his tongue out at Yuzuru. "And here I thought you might like the fresh cut. Come on, let's get you lying back down."

"Why? I am fine. I would not answer door anyway."  Yuzu never answers the door for strangers, hotel staff or otherwise.  Especially since GoPro cameras have become more popular. He's not yet been caught by one, and he's careful in order to keep it that way.

Nathan's sweet, helping Yuzu with his balance, helping him with his crutch. Yuzu allows him to help, even though Nathan's smaller than he is, because it's nice to have someone's arm slung around his waist, just to be safe, as he gets his crutch under his arm. That done, Yuzu takes a moment to really look at Nathan - glasses, designer tee, and new haircut - and he smiles, and makes a face back at him, and laughs a little.

"I do like it. Looks... hm, sharp."

"I was sitting," Yuzu clarifies, as he hop-crutches his way across the suite, back to his bed. Nathan hovers along beside him, trusting Yuzu's gait, but there to catch him just in case he falls. He's not going to - there's nothing wrong with his left foot - but he appreciates the concern. This is an exhausting way to walk, and Nathan doesn't know much about the stamina training Yuzu's been doing.

"Still." Nathan shrugs one shoulder. "You shouldn't have had to get up." He keeps his arm around Yuzuru's waist as he brings the crutch back around. He'd probably be better suited to a pair right now, but Nathan knows Yuzuru just well enough to know that he's way too stubborn for that. 

It's with a fond sort of weariness that Nathan accepts this and moves on. Whatever Nathan thinks would be best for Yuzuru is inconsequential- because he also knows damn well that whatever Yuzuru thinks his best is not only what he's going to do- it's probably what Nathan would do in his place. 

They have a lot in common. It just seems like no one outside of the two of them really understands that. Yuzuru is surprisingly outgoing and lacks a certain level of reservation common in Japanese society. Nathan is extremely introverted- for an American. Tied up with the collective lack of social graces that comes from living half of your life in an ice rink and much of the other half in front of cameras, they meet somewhere in the middle. 

Nathan doesn't stray too far from Yuzuru's side as they move through the room's little entry foyer and past the little half kitchenette thing, into the main area where the bed is. Nathan notices the very familiar sight of a jumbled heap of towels and ice packs a moment before Yuzu points them out. 

"Here. I was icing." Pointing at the pile of icepacks and towels at the foot of the bed, Yuzu hands his crutch to Nathan and sits down on the bed's edge, keeping his right foot lifted forward and away.

"Thank you." Nathan says, as he takes the crutch away, leaning it against the nearest wall and offering both hands to steady Yuzuru as he sits down, and then rotates so he can lean back against the headboard. Nathan keeps one hand under Yuzuru's right knee, and kneels on the bed, scooting until he's positioned that he can rest Yuzuru's bad leg across his own crossed legs. He starts sorting through the ice packs and towels, finding the best combination of the two. Tried and practiced. "I saw mom just before I flew out here. She was, I'm not even kidding, appalled at how long I'd let my hair get." He holds up one of the ice packs wrapped in a towel, and raises an eyebrow. "I haven't had ligament issues in a couple years. Remind me where you need it most." 

Yuzuru directs him, and Nathan obediently ices the indicated area. "So I told her, like, I was trying to joke with her, I said what she always used to say to me, when she was explaining why she always cut my hair-  _ white barber no know how to cut Chinese hair _ . I swear the look she gave me would have frozen solid if it had been raining." 

Yuzu laughs, raking his own hands through his hair, still crispy in the lengths from hairspray, but limp at the roots, where his sweat has melted through its hold. It's annoying, falling to the sides of his face and in his eyes, and he's got hairclips in his bag but obviously it's not that big of a deal. He looks at Nathan's hair more closely, watching the curls move as Nathan talks and works - particularly the way they flop forward when his head dips down in concentration.

"Oh, mama would be so cross if I tease her that," he says, wincing in comic sympathy. "She do enough work for me, so - not very happy when I demand more.  _ Impatience looks bad on you, _ " he intones, mimicking his mother's cadence. "I bet she tell you, 'find Chinese barber in Connecticut'?"

"But it looks good," he says again, and sits up, leans forward, and rakes his hand up through the short hairs of Nathan's undercut, then up into the curls to ruffle and shake them. Normally he'd ask before a touch like that, even though they've shared numerous physical intimacies before, so he watches for Nathan's reaction carefully, just in case. But he still touches first anyway, because it's just been that kind of day.

Nathan glances up, noting the way Yuzuru's hair falls in sharp sticky clumps instead of in a smooth wave. He hasn't showered yet, then. Understandable, really. 

Nathan laughs and shakes his head. "Well, my mom does a lot for me too, but the hair cuts was always a part of it." He adjusts his grip on Yuzuru's leg, moving the ice pack around carefully to keep it from getting too painfully cold on any one spot. All very practiced. "No, thankfully not that. She just sat me right down, in my dorm, and cut it for me. Just like that, that's all it ever takes." He laughs and shakes his head at Yuzuru before stilling as Yuzuru's hand comes in to brush against the short bits at the back. That part Nathan had gotten touched up later- not at a barber, but by one of his suite-mates who had a pair of clippers and experience with undercuts. "The bright side is that the curls make it less obvious that it was hacked at by an angry Chinese mother."

"Hacked at?" Yuzu laughs, shakes his head. "I wouldn't--ah, hmm, would not say that. But - I don't know curly hair." He plucks one curl from the mess, lifting it curiously until it stretches out, then releasing it to bounce back into formation. It doesn't, instead hanging down by itself, brushing Nathan's temple. Yuzu pushes it back, but his touch falters, a little shy, when his fingers brush Nathan's skin.

"Yeah, well, if she did to your hair what she did to mine, it would be  _ really  _ obvious. And we’ve both done our time with bowl cuts." Nathan laughs, shaking his still thankfully pretty long and loose curls out with his head canted in Yuzuru's direction, inviting him to play with them some more. It feels good, and if it's soothing to Yuzuru too, then all the better.

"Well, she does not get near my hair," Yuzu declares, laughing again. Laughter is easy around Nathan, easy like it is around Javi, or Brian and Tracy. It's a level of comfort that came easily to them, and surprised them in its arrival - since they are, not to overly belabor the point, two people who have spent very little time around each other, objectively speaking.  But Yuzu's grateful for it, and has made an effort to cultivate it, both in conversation, and in the quiet spaces between. It makes the quiet spaces, and the touches that inhabit them, more comfortable.

Aside from the ice and towels, the playful chatter about haircuts, there's an elephant in the room that they haven't addressed, and the gentle brush of their skin together reminds Yuzu, rather suddenly, that it's still there. Honestly, he'd forgotten about it. Sitting with Nathan like this - it's comfortable, and easy. As if they've been friends for years.  Yuzu supposes that they have, in the way that the ice makes family of strangers. But being closer friends - friends like this - has followed a different arc of growth, one that progresses in fits and starts, and almost always in hotel rooms.

The galas and banquets aren't actually as helpful in that regard as they appear at a glance. Yuzu's usually got more demands on his time and attention than Nathan does. And that's disregarding the press. Yuzu has many friends, and they all want to see him, and he them, during the little slivers of time set aside for socialisation after the competition is through.  And since Nathan's not the type to thrive in the middle of a pack of people like that, and when he does find himself the center of attention he nigh-unfailingly puts on a performance for entertainment's sake, it's all but impossible to catch a moment alone, just the two of them, in the midst of the revelry.

So, more occasionally than even the few galas they have both attended, or the overlap of their competition schedules, they’ve continued to intersect here and there. Quite infrequently in the greater scope of their lives, if Yuzu's being blunt with himself. But they both put more effort into making those intersections happen than they might otherwise, specifically because they intersect so comfortably, and so easily.  And as a result, the intersections are powerful, despite their scarcity. Others would call this a terribly risky proposition - one of Yuzu's strongest rivals, trusted to tend to his injury? But Nathan's an athlete, a person of integrity, and Yuzu knows that the thought would never even cross his mind.

So after all, it's really not a very large heffalump.  Yuzu smiles to himself. And not a threatening one either. It's one that the two of them have discussed, and even interacted with, in the past.  It's a rather tame heffalump, all things considered.

He says as much, while attempting to tuck Nathan's hair behind his ear. It resists his attempt, springing back, and Yuzu pouts at it, chagrined, before turning his attention properly to Nathan himself.

"Heffalump, like elephant in the room," he clarifies, in case the reference was too oblique. "It knows us, so it is safe."

Yuzuru's quiet for a moment, and Nathan appreciates that they can sit in a comfortable silence like this. It's one of the biggest tests for Nathan, about whether he's able to really,  _ really _ get close to someone. Nathan just breathes in the moment, even as he changes the ice pack in his hand out for another one that's a little cooler. 

Nathan laughs again, raising an eyebrow at Yuzu. His statement is clearly a continuation of a thought he'd been trailing after without actually voicing the beginning of the idea, so Nathan tries to put the pieces together.  "Is the elephant- sorry, the heffalump- in the room, your injury, or me holding onto it?"

Yuzu ducks, realizing his lapse. "Um, not injury.  That is fine. You know how, are careful, is fine." 

He nods reassuringly, but pushes his bottom lip out, tapping it, raking through his English to find the right words, or close enough to them, to keep explaining. To assist, he slides his hand from Nathan's hair to his nape, thumb laid light over Nathan's pulse. "Touching. Not injury, touching...the rest. Like...last time."

Nathan hadn't realized that he'd gone very still until Yuzuru answers the question, brushing aside the sudden anxieties and concerns Nathan's subconscious had conjured up. If Yuzuru was uncomfortable with Nathan- his competition, his competitor- handling a fresh injury, especially one that Nathan has (thankfully) never actually experienced at this level- he would have been happy to set him back down in his next of cold packs and towels and move into the chair next to the bed. Or even, having contented himself in seeing that Yuzuru was in relatively high spirits in spite of everything, wished him good luck and fast healing and gone back to his own hotel room. 

Obviously that's not what Yuzuru wants, but if he did, that's what Nathan would do. Out of respect for him, at the very least. 

He shifts his grip on Yuzuru's leg, letting it rest comfortably across his lap, and busies himself with pressing an ice pack to either side of his ankle and wrapping it carefully up with a towel. Yuzuru's hand shifts, petting his hair down and then resting across the back of his neck with a familiar weight. 

It's stupid, really, because there's nothing physically similar between the ribbon of a medal and the length of Yuzuru's hand, thumb to forefinger, tip to tip, the rest of his fingers fanned out along the slope of Nathan's neck. Nothing physically the same, at all, but the weight of the two still feels similar in some way that Nathan can't quite articulate. Yuzuru feels like a gold medal the way nothing else does.

And he'd probably be flattered as hell to hear that, but Nathan hasn't figured out how to explain it yet. 

"Last time..." Nathan hums, mainly because he doesn't actually remember when last time was. He's seen Yuzuru since Pyeongchang, but not off the ice. They were both at... Which ice show was it? Dreams on Ice? Or the one commemorating the Nagano Olympics? He doesn't actually remember, he just knows he's seen Yuzuru at some point over the summer, but they didn't see each other that time. Nathan had brought his mother to Japan, and all of his time off the ice had been spent with her. 

So, maybe 'last time' was Pyeongchang. If that even counts? And before that, it was...shit. Ages.

Nathan swallows, feels his throat stretch and tense against the side of Yuzuru's thumb, realizing how long it’s been. "I guess it is a heffalump. But I'm not afraid of it, if you're not." 

Nathan freezes - and then unfreezes, which is the more important part, that he goes from nervousness back to not-nervousness.  That's more reassuring than anything that either of them might say in words, and it reassures Yuzu, makes his breath come just a bit easier, as well.

Not that he was nervous. But it's still a relief that Nathan and he are still on the same page. It's not easy, but so far, they seem to have managed it. But to continue managing it, they can't keep pretending the heffalumps are invisible.

"I'm not!" Yuzu makes sure his voice is steady, strong and light. Unworried, to make up for the confidence that his imperfect English can't convey. "They are scary when invisible. When - not seen.  Not knowing the shapes, fear grows - what if? who then? And, etcetera." He circles one hand in the air, gesturing to help his meaning. "But when talk about, heffalumps...just heffalumps. Live in wood along with Pooh."

Yuzu considers his explanation thus far. Things that are hard to talk about, scary or complex topics, are more intimidating when avoided. Frank, honest discussion - with or without translation problems - has helped Yuzu gain confidence in, and power over, his fears on the ice, and off.  Nathan and he have never sat down for one of these sorts of discussions before - there's just never been a good time - and even as he attempts to create that conversation now, Yuzu recognizes that they may not be able to get as far as he would prefer while his own English remains so imperfect. 

But some conversation is better than none. Some, even if it has to be delicately accomplished, will protect this private relationship they have. Keep it from souring. Keep it golden.

"So we talk. Sometimes wild animal, scared, but not mean. So, hmm - give them... No, um. Ah, shit."  He frowns, and lets go of Nathan's nape to fold his arms over his chest, one fist lifted to bop his own forehead gently. "Think."

But the words aren’t coming, because his mental images of English, syllables and translations, are all overwritten in his mind with one, much clearer, image. He exhales, frustrated, and there's a breathy laugh of amusement at himself woven in there too. 

Yuzu ducks in close, and his lips brush Nathan’s, just the briefest touch. Just a breath of contact, that nevertheless warms him deep in his core.

"See? We not scared of heffalumps."

The thing is, Nathan is actually really good at piecing together meaning from between gaps of English knowledge. Sure, his parents both spoke English very well by the time he came along, but he's seem them both frustrated enough to fall back into old habits and old patterns. And then there’s Raf, who struggled with English in other ways. And all the time he's spent among skaters from all over the world, both in training and at competition. Reporters vying to stand out for their countries by being able to ask him questions in English- a reverse of the unfair standard Yuzuru is often held to. Even when sitting at a presser beside Shoma, Yuzuru’s too often expected not to make use of the Japanese interpreter, just because he 'can' speak English. Nathan's sat at enough pressers with the two of them, specifically, to see what a lot of cameras miss. The way Yuzuru tightens up when he's confronted with a camera and expected to speak in what is still, even after years of training in Canada, a foreign language. The way he relaxes when he's actually asked a question in Japanese, and feels comfortable responding in kind. 

So, yeah, Nathan’s really good at understanding what one might call 'Engrish'. Yuzuru's lack of English vocabulary or grammar isn't the problem. The problem is that Nathan is actually not entirely certain, even as he fills in the necessary gaps, what Yuzuru is trying to say. Not because his English is poor (it isn't, by any stretch of the imagination) but because he doesn't seem to be saying everything he's thinking out loud. Not just because he doesn't have the vocabulary, but because he seems to kind of expect parts of what he's saying to be understood.

And maybe they should be. No, this isn't a problem with the language they're speaking. This is Nathan's own problem. 

But he's trying, and some of it starts to make sense when Yuzuru leans in- bending neatly at the waist, and Nathan can feel the stretch of his quadriceps against his own thigh- to press his lips fleetingly to Nathan's. In a second, Yuzu’s leaning back again; the kiss doesn't even last as long as the one Yuzuru bestows upon the ice while skating his exhibition this year. 

Nathan smiles, a bit of heat rising to his ears at that thought. "So. You're- not afraid, but concerned- that if we don't talk about it, it might get out of control...?" 

Nathan's ear blush is  _ so cute _ , and when he smiles, Yuzu wants to lean forward again and grab his shirt collar and tow him closer for a really good kiss. But that might shake his ankle around, and even just leaning forward as much as he did already put more of a tug on his calves than he probably should have allowed.

And none of that is going to help with defining the heffalump, which was Yuzu's idea in the first place. So he controls himself for now, looks away from Nathan's smiling eyes and pressed-thin lips and flushed ears, and instead watches his hands where they rest on Yuzu's shin.

"Um, no, is tame heffalump," he says, knowing that he'd really better abandon the metaphor sooner than later. But it feels safer to speak about this as a heffalump, as something that's part of the Wood, something that's part of his comfortable place. It makes the topic less intimidating that way - looking at it sidelong, not straight on.

That's avoidance of a different sort, he chastises himself. Nathan has clearly been understanding Yuzu's speech, but not his meaning, which isn't really his fault - it's Yuzu's, for using a childish metaphor to talk about a very unchildish topic.  _ Come on. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. _

"Control...not the problem." He nods, pleased with that start, and looks up to watch Nathan's face - distracting as it is - in order to better understand whether his meaning is clear as he continues to speak.  

Nathan realizes as soon as Yuzuru corrects him that he'd been imprecise in his own phrasing. Obviously they were both adult enough to control whatever happened between them. But, that's not Yuzuru's concern right now.  Nathan nods, sure of their shared clarity, and Yuzuru continues.

"Expectations.  Like... You think this, I think that. Later, I get mad, 'is not that? you lie!' You say, 'is never that, was always this. You have wrong idea.' Then you hurt, we hurt, I hurt, all bad, all angry, all fight."

"But. That does not happen if we clear at start. Or, um." A cheeky grin, reminiscing. "Near enough to start."

It all starts to slide and click into place, like a rubik's cube. And there's something else, Nathan thinks, about the way Yuzuru's speaking now. A sense of... Familiarity. And that helps put all the rest of it into perspective, and suddenly Nathan's looking up to meet Yuzuru's gaze so he can be sure they're both understanding each other. 

"You want to define it now, while we're not in the heat of the moment. Because we can be rational now, about what we want from each other. That sounds really logical to me."

Yuzu sees it happen in Nathan's gaze - the moment that real understanding, truly clear communication, clicks into place between them. It feels like an explosion of a firework, or a flower blooming really really fast.

"Yes," he says, with fervor in his voice. "Yes, I want to talk, so we know. So...it safe. For hearts."

Yuzu lays his hand over Nathan's, and it makes the points where they're touching kind of circular. Reciprocal. Equivalent.

_ Don't kiss him again yet, _ Yuzu reminds himself, licking his lips at the corner, where they tend to get dry.  _ Almost, but not yet. _

"Because your heart is important to me."

Nathan's eyes drop down a bit. Holding Yuzuru's gaze when he's this intent, this focused, is like staring into the sun. It's hard, almost impossible, almost painful. So he glances down, and catches Yuzuru's tongue flick out to tickle at the corner of his mouth. It's such a small, normal thing. They always have dry lips, even if they use chapstick it only helps so much. They're all kind of terrible at lip care. Just the thought has Nathan pulling his bottom lip through his teeth, and then he smiles, glances up again. Yuzuru's gaze has softened, a little. Now he's looking at a full moon. The sun's full and brilliant glow- reflected off something to make it softer. Easier to take.

"Yours is important to me too." He says, and he really means it, and he hopes his truth is apparent in his voice. "So." He swallows again, looking up towards the ceiling for a moment, then down at his hands- their hands. Then up to Yuzuru's eyes once more. "What do you want this to be?"

Ease, softness and comfort, is returning to the air between them now, and Yuzu basks in it, knowing it may not stay. It feels good. This conversation feels good. Feels like creating something real. Difficult, risky, but with the chance of producing something unique, beautiful, and extraordinary.

All his favorite things start this way.

"Friends," Yuzu says, easy and confident, and now he does squeeze Nathan's hand, firm but gentle. "Friends who are pretty, and like each other's pretty." He snickers and makes his coy face, the one that gets pairs men to lift him, the one that makes his mouth look like  _ that _ . Then, realizing, he pauses, and the expression fades.

This next part might be difficult. Will Nathan understand? Yuzu knows that his relationship with Javier has been, at minimum, a silent assumption within the skating community. Some, who know the truth, don't have to assume. But the assumptions aren't exactly wrong, even as they aren't exactly right, either. But since Yuzu and Nathan have already been intimate together, it's safe to assume that Nathan has already extrapolated that Yuzu and Javier, if they’re involved that way, aren't exclusive. Unless he's assumed that the rumors are only rumors. And if he has, has he then moved forward to the next assumption, that Yuzu hasn't shared with anyone else what he's shared with Nathan?

In which case... Yuzu may be about to break Nathan's heart.  His stomach tightens, like a stone, but he doesn't let it make him flinch.

"We be friends...like Javi and me are friends."

Will that be enough to explain? Yuzu decides he'd better let Nathan react to that much, before going any further.

"Do you think?"

*

Nathan wanted Yuzuru to go first, to explain his needs first, partly because at his heart, at his core, at the deepest and most basic level, Nathan is a people pleaser. Making people happy is the most important thing to him. He counts himself among 'people' most days; that's something he's learned how to do, slowly but surely, in the two years since his worst accident. But still- if what he gets out of this... arrangement, if it could even be called that- if it doesn't mesh or agree with what Yuzuru wants, then he wants to be able to know. So if he has to let his idol down, he can at least do his best to do it gently. 

At the same time, Nathan suspects that Yuzuru has a lot more experience in the... In the intimacy arena. It's understandable- he's older for one thing. He's lived away from most of his family for a lot longer, for another. Those things are related, sure, but not completely. 

He does glance at Yuzuru's face when his words sound like that, and sure enough he's making the  _ please please please _ face, and it's so out of place that it throws Nathan for a loop for a second.  Nathan's pretty sure he couldn't lift Yuzuru if he tried, and other than that, that face is has historically been saved for when they're actually... Doing things. 

Then the expression wavers and falls away, and there's a certain vulnerability to what he says next.

"Ah." Nathan says, when Yuzuru finally names what may or may not have actually been the 'heffalump' in the room, for Nathan at least. 

Nathan licks his lips thoughtfully for a moment, and then nods slowly. He busies his hands again, rotating out the now soggy and limp and too-warm ice packs for the ones that are cooler. But still not cold enough. He needs more ice, but the moment between them is too delicate to interrupt. They need to come to a pausing point, and they're not there yet. 

What Yuzuru does with his time that he isn't directly sharing with Nathan is none of Nathan's business. He's not the only one to long suspect that Yuzuru's relationship with Javier is more than just platonic friends. Nathan and Yuzuru's explorations into intimacy may have preceded what eventually became their real friendship, but if that was something Yuzuru 'wasn't' supposed to be doing- that was on him.

"Well. Now that you mention it. Yes, I think that sounds... Good. I'd like that. But. Since you mentioned it. I have to be sure- is Javier okay with that too?" 

*

Nathan's quiet, and Yuzu watches that quiet, listens to it, tries to understand what's going on under its surface. He's got plenty of experience with introverts, obviously, but everyone expresses, and displays, their emotions differently. Nathan's nuances aren't all familiar to Yuzu yet, but it doesn't intimidate him to watch Nathan think without knowing for sure what he's thinking  _ about _ . Nathan's not a jump, or a school problem. He's not  _ meant _ to be fully comprehensible by Yuzuru.

...Still, it's a little nervewracking.

Nathan changes his ice, moves the towels, and Yuzu remembers for the first time in an hour or so that his ankle hurts like  _ fucking hell _ .  Distractions, he thinks, are  _ great _ .

"Rest from ice," he instructs, a necessary parenthetical to their larger conversation, and carefully lifts his leg and slides it off of Nathan's lap onto the mattress. "Dry and socks."  His toes are freezing.

It's helpful that Nathan's got something to do with his hands, and that Yuzu can place some of his focus onto directing him, pointing toward the correct drawer of the hotel room dresser to find his socks. But it also interrupts the atmosphere of their conversation, and Yuzu knows that he could far too easily dodge, bring up some of his baffles again, and scuttle back to a somewhat less exposed emotional distance.

He spends most of his attention on  _ not _ doing so.

"Javi...very important to me. Very precious. He..." How to summarize everything they were to each other? Yuzu shakes his head, overwhelmed by the attempt of putting it into words. He takes a few deep breaths, breathing through the emotion, and moving through it to the salient, pertinent parts.

"Sorry, I - emotional. Um, Javi very important. But. Javi have other important people. He love her very much. I - maybe they last, maybe they not. But he not give his whole heart to me. And I not give my whole heart to him. We...not best, being everything. Being some things, lots of thing, but not  _ all _ thing, to other -- that better. Happier for us."

Yuzu swallows, folds his hands in his lap. "Future, I maybe find someone else, sometime. Not sure, but it happen before, maybe happen again. And...  _ you _ find someones, too. Pretty girl at Yale. Or pretty guy. And if you do, I happy for you."

"Maybe we don't. But I don't tell you, 'no, don't look.' Because I will always look. So it only fair that you look too."

Yuzu doesn't know how to say,  _ and if that someone you find, tells you to be exclusive, and you love them enough, then be exclusive. I will understand.   _ He doesn't have the English to explain that he understands himself, and his limitations, and what influence those limits will have on any relationship he chooses to have. 

_ I can't be there for you, for anyone, the way that a boyfriend should be. I can't give the fairytale, and I'm not asking for it either. I know what I  _ can _ give, and I will give it. When you choose to end it - and it will be you, not me, we both know it will be, because there's nothing that I have ever put above the ice, and probably, never will be - I will be happy you've found someone who can be. _

And he could ask Google Translate, he could write it down, he could struggle through it in pieces; hell, he could record it in Japanese, and let Nathan put the translation together later, maybe with Maia or Alex's help. But right now, they're at the start of this thing between them. They're having this conversation about beginnings, formalizing the heat and pleasure they've shared enough times to know that they want to do it again, checking each other's page numbers before they chuck the manual aside and figure it out as they go.

And Yuzu doesn't want to canonize their ending before they've finished writing their beginning. So he doesn't try to say all the things that he could, and he stops thinking about them, too. He reels his thoughts in, drags them back down to earth, to this moment, to Nathan Wei Chen and himself in a hotel room in Moscow, to ice and careful hands and hair that needs petting and lips that need kissing.

This, too, is what Yuzu wants from this relationship. This grounding, stable, straightforward presence. This kindred spirit, whose mental weaknesses are not the same as Yuzuru's mental weaknesses, and therefore, don't exacerbate each other by proximity. Who wouldn't presume to  _ fix _ Yuzu's catastrophizations, if he even knew about them, and who wouldn't expect Yuzu to fix him, either. Who is content to just exist beside Yuzu, and beside whom Yuzu is happy to stand, too.

_ Partnership can look like this, _ Yuzu thinks.  _ Stand shoulder to shoulder and live lives in view of each other, with each other as witness, support. _

_ Friend. _

*

Yuzuru understands the hesitation of Nathan's hands, which is good. And then he carefully removes his ankle from Nathan's lap, and directs him to a pair of socks, and Nathan's careful not to jostle his leg too badly as he gets up and then returns to the bed. He sits at the foot of the bed, legs crossed again but this time he's facing Yuzuru full on, and he lifts his left foot into his lap first, giving it a gentle rub with the driest of the towels, and then guiding his toes into each of their own little compartments in the sock. He does the same, with much more care and caution and plenty less speed, for his right ankle, and then keeps both of Yuzuru's feet trapped in his lap as he carefully threads Yuzuru's spread toes with his own fingers, warming them. This is familiar too.

Throughout this, Yuzuru has used Nathan's distraction to its fullest potential, carefully using his words to sketch out a vague impression of his relationship with Javier. And it's familiar, too.  _ Not everything, but a lot of things _ could pretty much explain Nathan's position and perspective of his relationship with Romain and Mariah, too. He puts a mental pin in that one- it's only fair to explain to Yuzuru that he understands in experience as well as in theory. For their part, they already know that he's been intimate with Yuzuru- they're the only people he's ever told. Yuzuru and he had never discussed whether they were going to keeping their thing completely secret-  _ we need to roll that into this conversation now _ , Nathan thinks. But that had left the door open for him to be candid with the people who know him best.

Then Yuzuru's quiet for a very long moment, long enough that Nathan can tell he's got a weighty thought rolling around in his head that he's either trying to translate, or possibly deciding whether he wants to bother. He apparently lands on the latter option, and then just settles into a more complete silence- an anticipatory silence, waiting for Nathan's response. 

Fair enough. Nathan nods, and gives Yuzuru's feet a gentle squeeze. "Okay. That's not what I want from you either. The  _ 'no look' _ , that is. If there's someone that catches you, and they want you to themselves, all I ask is that you let me know."

Yuzu winces, but tries to hide it in a nod - Nathan's being  _ so _ gentle, but he must have forgotten himself with that squeeze. No matter - it's only a momentary twinge, and it fades fast.

Though Yuzuru did his best to hide it, but Nathan sees his wince, and immediately regrets the pressure he'd put on Yuzuru's right foot. He had thought, maybe hoped, that it wouldn't cause too much pain, a little squeeze up near his toes. Guess not. Nathan slots that away in his memory.

"Of course I tell you," Yuzu says, and reaches his hand out toward Nathan in silent request. "Who would not tell? Rude and messy."

Nathan takes his left hand from Yuzuru's right foot and reaches out to thread their fingers together instead. "Well, some people  _ are _ rude and messy. But I just meant... You know what? I don't know what I meant. You're not the kind of person that would let me embarrass myself like that. So no worries."

"Okay,” Yuzu says, unbothered. It seems that Nathan’s thought got away from him, and honestly, Yuzu can absolutely relate to that. “So you are okay?" He tips his head to the side a little, curious but also concerned. "With us...with being--" The word escapes him, and he frowns, trying to spur the memory with the Japanese equivalent. "Mmmfh.  _ Tokidoki, tokidoki.. _ . Ah, um. Some times, not all times? Oh! On and off!" 

Relieved by how well this conversation is going, Yuzu's smile is sunny. He'd hoped it would go well, but it actually  _ is _ , and that's delightful. "If something not in front of me, I focus on what  _ is _ in front of me. Usually skate." A grin at himself, at how obvious that is. "Anyway, someone might...then feel hurt by being  _ tokidoki  _ with me. Like they are unimportant.”

“You would? Would not?"

Nathan laughs and nods his head, acceptance and familiarity, as Yuzuru explains. He also takes the break in the seriousness of their conversation to slowly extract himself from beneath Yuzuru's feet. He replaces his legs with a couple of pillows to keep Yuzuru’s bad leg elevated, and moves up the bed to sit next to Yuzuru, shoulder to shoulder, leaning back against the headboard. "Yes. I'm fine with that. I'm the same way. I think you know that already."

“I do know,” Yuzu says.

With their fingers laced together, the differences in the shape of their hands, and the tones of their skin, are juxtaposed prettily. Yuzu studies Nathan's fingers, the differences and similarities with his own. He strokes his thumb across the back of Nathan's, and slings a shy smile in a sidelong glance for his benefit. Nathan's a little shorter than him, obviously, but as they sit side by side like this, Yuzu notes again that the height is evenly distributed. Not just his legs, but his torso's longer than Nathan's, too, and a portion of his mind wanders off onto a path of curious musing about balance, spin axis, and the effect of rib cage length on a body's center of gravity.

The rest of his mind stays firmly rooted in the moment, because the moment has Nathan sitting at his side, shoulder and hip pressed to Yuzu's, holding Yuzu's hand. He smells like his shampoo, like soap and icy-hot and another sharp scent Yuzu's having problems placing, but it's probably another topical treatment of some sort. 

Yuzu knows he's still vaguely sweaty - he took a sponge bath, of sorts, with Kikuchi helping, but he didn't have the energy for a full shower this afternoon. He'll bathe properly before the medal ceremony tomorrow, but for now, still fuzzy around the edges from painkillers, he'll sleep sweaty. He's done worse. In contrast to Nathan's clean scent, though, it's embarrassing, and Yuzu pushes his hair back from his face, self-consciously trying to get it to lay  _ properly _ , dammit.

He's feeling relieved - Nathan and he really are on the same wavelength about their  _ thing _ , relationship - English really doesn't have a satisfactory range of connotative terms for it, but in Japanese, it'd probably be left entirely unsaid, wholly in the realm of implication and inexplicit hinting.  It's undefinable, perhaps, but that suits Yuzu fine. They defined the parts of it that they needed to. Yuzu feels safer, more confident, knowing that Nathan's not risking anything that Yuzu himself isn't also putting on the line.

"Sorry we did not talk at Pyeongchang," he says, voice pitched softer, now that they're sitting so close, and Nathan's radiant body heat feels  _ lovely _ against his skin.  "Irresponsible of me. To take, and not talk or explain. I did not think you were...wanting to talk, then. But maybe I should have. But also, maybe not."

"It's okay. I didn't talk to anyone much," Nathan says softly. And it's true. Even after his remarkable comeback, there was still a part of him, _ enough  _ of him, that was bitter that he missed the podium. That he couldn't be standing there alongside Yuzuru. "I did miss you at Worlds though." He adds with a little laugh. "Boyang and Shoma had to fill in, and their English isn't as good as yours."

At Four Continents... _ the _ Four Continents that had changed everything between them... with gold around Nathan’s neck and a disbelieving fog of  _ wow, holy shit, _ surrounding them both, there'd not been much talking needed. It was the first time they intersected - and feasibly, a once-off, an isolated incident, an exception. Rostelecom 2017 punched some holes in that rationale, but not enough to sink it entirely. But after Rostelecom came NHK, and then there was nothing else in Yuzuru's life until Pyeongchang.  Or in Nathan's, either.

Perhaps they should have found time to talk there, after the free skate, but - riding two different kinds of relief, two different kinds of euphoric emotional collapse, perhaps neither of them were in enough of their right minds to  _ have _ such a conversation. Perhaps now  _ is _ the right time for this.

Now, with Nathan stretching his legs out, comfortably settling into his usual posture- a little bit slumped at the shoulders, all tense from the trunk down, absently flexing and relaxing his thighs and calves without much thought. Now, with Nathan’s left side pressed against Yuzuru- shoulder to shoulder, then a small gap where Yuzuru's waist and his own dip and dive around each other, then thigh to thigh, then Yuzuru's own leg elevated up, ankle still damnably swollen. Now, as Nathan looks away from it and its ugliness, turning his head, meeting Yuzuru's gaze with his own nearly half-lidded. Looking up through his short lashes.

  
  


They're quiet again, for a moment. Yuzuru's making the  _ is it worth figuring out how to say this in English _ face again. In the end, he doesn't say anything until he's turned the  _ pick me up and love me _ pout back on, and Nathan knows what's coming even before Yuzuru says it. 

Yuzu asks, lips pursing in the way that they do when he wants something that’s all for himself:

“Kiss me?”

Nathan doesn't bother to answer with words. That would be a waste. He just leans his head in, and lets his lips brush against Yuzuru's for a long moment before he presses them close.

Yuzu's not sure if Nathan's been flexing his muscles against Yuzu's own as an intentional flirtation, or if it's just accidental, but either way has been _working_. Yuzu's gaze lingers on Nathan's thighs - _god, those_ ** _quadriceps_** \- and he mourns, sharply, that his injury so necessitates that he stay put. Otherwise, he'd already have pounced. As it is, he has to exercise patience, which isn't his strong suit in this field, and ask Nathan to come to him. Granted, that isn't much of a hardship at all, really, because Yuzu unapologetically loves being spoiled and doted on. He loves the heavy eyelids, the weighted gaze, the tingle of electricity between them, in the moment before Nathan closes the distance between them.

But then, Nathan  _ hovers.  _ He  _ teases _ Yuzu, just for a moment, but that moment might have been an eternity, and Yuzu whines, high in his throat, in protest. Was that whine instrumental in convincing Nathan to stop teasing and  _ kiss _ him already? Maybe, maybe not. Yuzu certainly wasn't about to leave it to chance.

As a point of fact, Nathan  _ hadn't  _ actually meant to be  _ teasing _ . He was simply... Enjoying the moment. The spark between them, that may wax and wane but is always vibrant, always lit. It actually tingles between them, like a static shock- something else they're both far too acquainted to, living their lives in dry ice rinks. 

He squeezes Yuzuru's hand with all the strength that he'd had to restrain his hands from using while he was touching Yuzuru's foot. Yuzuru's fingers are longer, more delicate, but Nathan suspects his might be stronger. 

He parts his lips with a little one note laugh, tilting his head to bring their mouths even closer together. His free hand finds Yuzuru's shoulder, and then the side of his neck, and he spreads his hand out across the entire expanse, as much as he can reach, and he kneads at the muscle he finds there even as his tongue chances out and brushes against Yuzuru's, inviting.

Oh, Nathan kisses so sweetly. Even when their kisses have been rougher, in the past, there was still a tenderness, a delicacy, inherent to Nathan-kisses. And now, in this kiss, it's sugar-sweet and just as sparkling. Yuzu loves it. He laps lightly at Nathan's lips now, asking politely for more. More sweetness, more kiss. He squeezes Nathan's hand in his own, and leans nearer.

Breathless.

Yuzu reaches across with his left hand, raking his fingers into the short bristle of Nathan's undercut. The heel of his hand rests on Nathan's nape, warm and knobby right at the top of his spine. Nathan's laugh tastes like carbonation, and his kiss, his tongue--

Taking that invitation and running with it, Yuzu slots their mouths together, opening his to welcome Nathan, and answering Nathan's invitation in turn. He squeezes Nathan's hand, and yes, Nathan's grip is definitely stronger than Yuzu's, but he holds on tight and scrapes his nails lightly across Nathan's scalp. There's only so much they can do at this angle, but they can each do it for quite a long time, and while Nathan's not exactly pushing any boundaries or testing any limits right now, they still go on, tongue to tongue, for a lot longer than maybe most average people would.

Yuzu wants to feel Nathan pressed against him, tip to toe, wants to know what the drum of his heart feels like when his chest is pressed against Yuzu's. Both of them have lungs that know what to do with little oxygen - Nathan from elevation in his childhood, Yuzu from constriction in the same. Amusingly, the two effects seem to balance each other out when they kiss - so far, neither Yuzu nor Nathan tends to run out of breath before the other. Yuzu thinks they should test this theory more comprehensively at some point, then thinks about the face Nathan would make if he suggested that joke to him.

In the meantime, Yuzu's giggling, which makes kissing difficult, but it's been a  _ very long day _ , hell, a very long  _ weekend, _ and he's just about reaching a point of obligatory emotional watershed. He pulls back, presses his brow to Nathan's, breathes tremulously in the small space between their mouths.  His lips feel flushed, a bit swollen. He wants to say something, but he doesn't know  _ what. _

Nathan pulls back too, so Yuzu’s laughter doesn't make his teeth catch on Nathan's lips. Forehead to forehead like this, with Yuzuru's hair still kind of spiny and poking at his temples, Nathan's happy just to share the air between them. 

"Nathan," Yuzu murmurs, tucking fondness and comfort into each syllable. "Is so nice."

Nathan gives Yuzuru's shoulder slope another squeeze, fingers kneading in again. He's already tighter around the right shoulder than he would normally be, from using the crutch. Nathan can't do anything for his ankle, but he can rub a little of this tension out, if Yuzuru will let him. 

He hopes this will be an acceptable second-place kind of finish for Yuzuru- Nathan's not comfortable moving into anything more physical when Yuzuru's ankle is still so sensitive. He has a lot of control, but Yuzuru is very  _ very _ good at stripping him of that control, so he’s got to stay guarded.

The compliment is soft, and sweet, and he lisps a little on Nathan's name, and it's so fucking  _ cute _ . "Yuzu is nice too."

_Oh, Nathan's misunderstood,_ Yuzu thinks, and then, _Oh, right. I forgot to use a subject article._ _'This'._ That's alright, though. Nathan _is_ nice, and so is this, with him. Both, or either, are true and correct.

Blissful as the kiss, and the nuzzling closeness, is, Yuzu's foot is starting to really hurt, now that it's waking up from the numbness the ice granted. And he shouldn't torque his body like this - it's not a great angle for kissing, and though he can endure it at the moment, he'll just make his resting period harder on himself if he strains  _ more _ muscles than he already has.

"Nathan," Yuzu repeats, mostly because he likes the feel of Nathan's name on his lips, shaped with care and sweetness. He tips his head, kisses him again, lingering close after the soft smack of their lips parting to close his lips around Nathan's lower one and press it gently between them. When he pulls back, he lets that grip tug, ever so gently, and their lips part with a soft  _ paah  _ sound. "Mmmmh." His voice is so warm and languid, so entirely pleased, that there's very nearly visible little hearts carried on his breath as he hums contentedly.

But when he finally, reluctantly, opens his eyes, Yuzu's frown is full of petulant regret. "Back hurts. I must lay down. Can you help? Pillows under my leg. Foot above heart."  It's hard to scoot around on the bed by himself, but it's entirely possible, and Yuzu absolutely doesn't  _ need _ Nathan's help with this. Nathan probably - hopefully - knows that. That Yuzu only plays a damsel for fun, when a desirable prince is nearby.

Nathan smiles, pushes his hand through Yuzuru's hair- careful to thread his fingers this way and that as necessary to push past the sticky parts- and leans in to press a quick kiss to his cheek, right at the corner of his mouth. "Of course."

He pulls back and climbs down off the bed so he can help from the most useful angle. There's more than enough pillows in this room to prop Yuzuru's head and shoulders up at a comfortable angle, and elevate his foot properly as well. Nathan helps him scoot around the bedding and the pillows, tucking the pillows where they need to be and then carefully draping the comforter around Yuzuru so he can stay warm. 

That done, Nathan hovers beside the bed, glancing over his shoulder in the direction of the door. "Should I let you sleep? Or...?"

Eyes closed, Yuzu exhales, breathing out carefully through the clawed grip of exhaustion that is slowly, but unavoidably, closing around him. Soon it'll be too much to bear.  There's been so  _ much _ today that he can hardly believe it's still the same day he competed, the same day that practice went so wrong.  But that's okay, because soon, Ghislain and Kikuchi and Brian will return, and they'll give him painkillers to help his body cope with the day's trauma, to him sleep. Tomorrow, Kikuchi will help him shower, and Ghislain will cheer him up, and Brian will remind him that they can adapt to this, that it's not a roadblock but a detour. Tomorrow, the medal ceremony will be the first step on the frustratingly familiar road back toward health.

But right now, Yuzu's still got a few minutes before 'soon' comes calling.

"No, stay. I must not sleep. Medicine, things. Still must do. Kikuchi-san, Ghislain, they come back soon." Yuzu cracks one eye open, smiling with humor, though it's wry and pained. "Come," he asks, patting the bed beside him, on the side where there's more room. Per his instruction, Nathan had helped him to lay down on the far side of the bed, so his right ankle is nearer the corner, easier to reach by someone sitting on the floor beside the bed. That leaves space on his left side, and Yuzu pats it, and asks with his eyes to bolster his English.

"Snuggle."

Yuzuru pats the bed and honestly that would have been all the invitation Nathan needed to get onto the bed again. Even as Yuzu’s asking with words, too, Nathan’s already stretching himself out along Yuzuru's left side. He curls onto his side so he can face him. Always eager to please, he slips his arm around Yuzuru's trim waist, tucking his hand up beneath him into the small of his back. Holding him close without jostling him too much. After a moment of settling and giving Yuzuru an opportunity to object if he doesn't like this position, Nathan lays his head down on Yuzuru's chest, ear to heart, and closes his eyes with a contented hum. 

"They're not gonna be mad at you, if they find me here, are they?" 

With Nathan's arms around his waist, head on his chest, Yuzu just  _ melts, _ and wiggles happily - both to settle his head and shoulders better into the pillows, and to better settle his hip and flank against Nathan's. He's heavy and warm and so,  _ so  _ trusting, and Yuzu's heart swells, pushing back the claw of exhaustion, forcing it to loosen its grasp. Yuzu inhales, deep, and exhales smoothly, and he feels, rather than hears, Nathan's next breath matching his cadence.

Yuzu smiles, and rolls his head softly side to side on the pillow. "Maybe, but so what. I am adult. I have friends. Is part of my theme this season, you know. I do what I want. I skate what I want. I have friends what I want. Um.  _ Who  _ I want."  He giggles at his mistake. "If I can be friend with Javi and it not harm, then I can be friend with you and not harm."

Nathan's only a  _ little _ bit jet-lagged, and only a little bit worn out from school too. He's definitely  _ not _ kind of dozing off on Yuzuru's chest, calmed by the steady beat of his heart and the calming cadence of his breathing, years of practice keeping his respiration remarkably uniform when at rest like this. 

He smiles at Yuzuru's answer, not at all bothered by the minor grammatical slip-up. He's happy to be lumped in with  _ things Yuzuru wants.  _ To be listed in the same roll as his programs is high praise indeed. 

He's about to say thank you, and that he agrees, and probably something else, if just to keep himself awake, but then Yuzuru continues. 

"And it good for them to get used to idea now.  _ No  _ plan to hide you anymore. So they must cope with us in bed together. It not their business."

Nathan shifts a bit, not wanting to let go of Yuzuru but wanting to see his face, and rests his head back on his chest, peering up at the underside of his chin with his lips pursed in a little question mark. "Can you elaborate on that?"

Yuzu'd expected that last bit to raise questions with Nathan, and he's ready with the answer, idly combing his fingers against the grain of Nathan's hair with reassuring steadiness.

"Have not talked about befriending you to anyone yet," he explains. "Did not tell about wanting to see you, because too many explanations."

“Oh.”

"And because Olympics,” Yuzu continues. “Ignored friends I already had, so definitely not time to make more." He laughs, chagrined. "And some not trust you. Um, not  _ you _ , but Raf. And press  _ never _ listen." He groans. 

"Team tells me, take no chances, and mostly they worrying over nothing, because I am always careful planning. And Olympics are over now. I want to not apologize for any friends I have. Now it's safe to friend you openly."

Yuzu pauses, and tucks his chin, tilting his head, till he can kind of see Nathan's face. He frowns. "But maybe not for you to friend me? I should not make decision for both of us. Sorry."

Nathan hurries to reassure him. "Oh, if that's all you meant, that's fine. I didn't, um. I guess I didn't realize that you were keeping it secret on  _ purpose _ , as opposed to just... Never being asked, never having to tell, kind of thing. That's kind of where I was, I think, I mean." He pauses, reconsiders, and then rocks his head back and forth on Yuzuru's chest a little bit.

"No, you're right. It's actually different with you and Javier because anything anyone sees between the two of you will be chalked up to your being friends and training mates. Right?”

"Well," Yuzu says, shrugging a little. "I was not asked. But I decided what to say if I was. Is similar, I think. Not ask, not tell. And, he is  _ Spanish _ . That is explain for everything, sometime.”

Nathan snorts. “Right. So, yeah. With us, leading up to the Olympics, and everything else..." Nathan realizes that now  _ he's _ the one that's over-explaining- typical- and laughs at himself. "I mean that that's fine. I want to be friends. Like, I want other people to be able to know, too."

Nathan moves closer, swoops up to kiss the underside of Yuzu's chin, the part that looks different now than it did before 2014. The soft spot with the scar. It's sensitive, and Nathan's sensitive of it. Careful. It startles Yuzu, because mostly people ignore it, and sometimes he even forgets it's there. But the touch of Nathan's lips feels different on the scar than it does on the soft curve of his throat just behind it, and Yuzu tips his chin up with a soft gasp, fingers tightening in the sheets, and in Nathan's hair.

" _ Ohhh. _ " Conversation forgotten, Yuzu rolls one shoulder off the mattress, twisting at the waist, so he's facing Nathan. He paws at him, asking with his hands and his gaze that Nathan scoot up the bed and share the pillow with him.

"Hey, now." Nathan laughs, pushing himself up on one elbow so he can replace his head with his hand and push gently, coaxing Yuzuru back into lying flat. "You're supposed to be lying down and resting, remember? Torquing your waist like that isn't gonna help anything." He scoots in again and settles on his right hip. 

Yuzu laughs too, waving off Nathan's tutting, but he lets himself be laid down, and very happily welcomes Nathan as he settles back in, closer than before. Nathan stretches both of his legs out straight and down the length of the bed till his toes are playing at Yuzuru's left ankle. Arms weaving in again, under and over to trap Yuzuru’s waist, Nathan rests his head down on the pillow right beside Yuzuru, nose in his hair. When he breathes in, Yuzuru smells like sweat and hair spray and possibly even cologne. It's nice, actually. Not bad at all. 

"You need to take care of yourself." He whispers against Yuzuru's pulse, where it beats steadily against his lips.

The way Nathan holds his waist is a particular delight, and a shiver skitters across his skin, from Nathan's lips against his throat, all the way down past his diaphragm, into his abdomen. There the shiver coils and curls downward, and Yuzu closes his eyes. He knows his flush is heating his skin, even if it's not terribly visible, and Nathan's definitely close enough to notice. His breath is tickling Yuzu's neck, and his ear, and Yuzu clamps down the urge to shudder, because if he does, he'll curl his toes, and that'll  _ hurt _ .

But Nathan's voice sounds like Nemesis, and his lips feel like people tell Yuzu his own eyes look, and Yuzu rolls his head to the side and shoves at Nathan's nose with his own til he tips his head, his nose gets out of the way, and Yuzu can kiss him with all the hunger he knows he shouldn't be encouraging.

Sometimes self care is tonsil hockey with the only skater in the field who can make Yuzu feel cornered, the only one against whom Yuzu has yolo'd an extra quad  _ and still lost _ , the only one that Yuzu can look at without giving the little ugly thing deep inside of him, the never-satisfied part of him, a reason to feel bitter or sad or, god forbid, pissed.

He's just enough of a stranger to be safe. Just enough of a kindred spirit to be comfortable. Just young enough, and old enough, to let Yuzu forget his own not-quite-so-youthfulness. Just tender enough to sympathize without pitying.

And god, but it felt  _ good _ to make him fray apart, and Yuzu wants to do it again. Not today. But soon enough, he promises, his teeth and tongue and lips coaxing and teasing by turns. 

Soon.

For all of Nathan's attempt at being a good friend and nannying him a little bit when he's still obviously in just enough pain to  _ be _ a pain, there's obviously only so much he can do to derail Yuzuru's baser thoughts when all of the other options have been exhausted and he obviously just wants whatever distracting comfort he can find. 

Well, Nathan can't blame him for that. But he can tease a little, at they reposition themselves, and he does, muttering against Yuzuru's chin as it slides just out of grasp- "Greedy, greedy. Want want want." Until Yuzuru's lips catch his and his tongue barely waits for Nathan's lips to part before it's nudging it's way past his teeth, and Nathan swallows a laugh that makes his throat rumble in a way he knows Yuzuru likes. 

He closes his jaw a little, dragging his bottom teeth along the underside of Yuzuru's bottom lip.

Yuzu whines, high in his throat, insistent and delighted and greedy. He tugs on Nathan's hair, gasps at the scrape of his teeth, mouth falling open in a hungry, soft moue. " _ Need need need _ ," Yuzu corrects Nathan, before again slotting their mouths together too intricately for speech.

The coiled hunger deep in Yuzu's belly spreads, glowing hotter. It feels like his nerves themselves are carrying that heat, spreading it through his body like the wires within an electric blanket. Heat swimming just under his skin, encompassing him by degrees. His tongue and lips feel thick, honeyed with  _ want _ .

With one palm, Yuzu strokes down Nathan's body in one slow sweep: nape to shoulder, shoulder to flank. And then from flank to waist, finally settling just above the lateral swell of his hip and thigh. Yuzu grips Nathan there, firmly, and tells himself that's far enough.

_ If we touch his butt, we will just want to do more things and more things, and there isn't time, and most important, there's our injury. _

Yuzu's internal voice of reason just sounds like himself, but the bitchiest, most irritated version of himself. The version that threw a tantrum  _ on ice  _ in group two of the WTT. The one that had an eyefight argument with his mother across the width of a whole rink at ACI over  _ gloves _ . It's pretty effective, and it's  _ correct _ , so Yuzu keeps his hand right where it is, despite the magnetic siren song of Nathan's quadriceps and glutes and  _ hamstrings. _

He reserves the right to be sulky about it, though.

But for Nathan, Yuzuru's whine, combined with the way his hand smooths down Nathan's entire body, is a  _ huge  _ problem, considering they're trying to be good and restrain themselves to some enthusiastic kissing, because anything more would be literally, actually dangerous to Yuzuru's health and wellness.

It's  _ annoying _ though, and as Nathan returns Yuzuru's near-frantic kissing with some near-frantic motions himself, he silently sends up a prayer to anyone who might be listening that Yuzuru's prognosis is good, that he rests well and is able to  _ safely _ surpass all expectation and skate at the Final. He deserves it. He  _ deserves _ it. And Nathan really, really wants him to be there. 

When he finally breaks the kiss, not panting but not quite blase about it either, he presses his forehead to Yuzuru's and looks very deeply into his eyes. 

"You're a menace. Did you know that?"

Yuzu laughs, and blessedly it's not as much of a loud bray as his laughs usually are. Nathan's too near, and Yuzu's in the neighborhood of breathless, so the sound is soft and light. He smothers his laugh against Nathan's mouth, playful but hungry. 

"I have heard this said," he giggles, teeth dragging across Nathan's lower lip. "And I say is  _ compliment _ ."

He nips, and nips again. At Nathan's hip, Yuzu's fingers dig into the muscle within his grip, squeezing, pulling downward. Their bodies are close, but they  _ could _ be so much closer.

Yuzu's had tastes of the heat they can make together. He'd not expected this lucky chance to feel it again here, this weekend. And now, with his injury? He really can't be sure when he'll have the chance again. So he doesn't want to let go of this moment, even though he knows he should. He really, really should.

(The painkillers are pretty much entirely worn off.)

"Tell me more compliments," Yuzu murmurs, holding Nathan's molten gaze with his sharp own. "I like hearing you say them."

He tugs down on Nathan's hip again, optimistically, though he knows Nathan probably won't cooperate. It's worth the try.

"You  _ would _ ." Nathan sulks, a little bit, mainly because he knows his faces does something really stupid when he tries to look sulky and he thinks it'll make Yuzuru laugh more. He's laughing already, a little bit, soft and high and breathless and hiding in Nathan's mouth, behind Nathan's own teeth, and it's not  _ enough _ . Nathan wants him to  _ laugh _ . He wants to hear him, not just feel him. 

Yuzuru gives Nathan's hip another tug, and it sure is tempting, but one of them has to be mindful right now- and Nathan's damn sure it's not about to be Yuzuru,  _ so _ . 

Seeing that Nathan's not so easily swayed, Yuzu gives up - he knows when he's been beat. Even as that frustrates him, it's exciting, too. Of course Nathan's not that easy. He's smarter than that.

"I'll tell you more compliments." He promises, meeting Yuzuru's gaze and letting his left hand wander, fingertips tip-toeing lightly, over Yuzuru's chest and stomach. "I could tell you about how I probably should be studying right now, but instead I'm here, in your hotel room. I could tell you how I wasn't sure I was going to come here- I have exams to prepare for- but then I remembered that you were here.”

“I could tell you that I can either screw up a test or screw up my competition next weekend, but I'm sure as fuck not about to do that one, because I need to make it to the final or you might lose interest."

..Oh.  _ Oh,  _ Nathan is  _ very _ smart indeed, Yuzu thinks. His belly flutters, a trembling and distracting topography for Nathan's fingers to roam across. And roam they do, as Nathan talks, praising Yuzu not by extemporaneous superlatives, but with  _ evidence  _ of his significance, proof of decisions he's influenced just by his presence. It feels  _ good.  _

Yuzu basks, holding Nathan's gaze when he offers it, watching the small motions of his eyes, the subtle changes in his expression as he watches his own fingers tiptoe around on Yuzu's belly. Nathan glances back up, checking in with Yuzu again. His eyes are somehow soft and acute at the same time, a dichotomous richness that Yuzu appreciates. Framed by the thick black frames of his glasses, the fall of his hair to one side of his brow, it's absolutely meltworthy.

Rather than melt so easily, Yuzu frowns, playing up his exasperated impatience, and pokes Nathan's forehead with one finger, the mildest of scoldings. "That would be very stupid. Obviously, skate more important. School is for any age. Always can take courses, learn more. Learning for entire life. Skating only for now."

"Not for me." Nathan argues, catching that Yuzuru's just teasing him and happy to tease in response. But he's also poking at an area that Nathan mostly likes to pretend isn't as sore as it is. Sure, he mostly avoids checking social media as much as possible, and he doesn't usually read articles about himself either. But he still hears things- from his training-mates, from Raf, from his family. A little bit, now, even, sometimes, from his suitemates. Of course they know 'who he is', in a manner of speaking. What he... Represents. He's feeling blessed that campus has been a relatively safe haven for him so far, but he's not sure how much further that can last. 

Sure, he's still juggling the ideas around- whether he's going to take that year off right before Beijing and dedicate himself more completely to training in the lead-up to his hopefully-second-Olympics. Whether he's going to try to muscle through and still complete his undergrad in four years properly. 

Whether he'll be able to go back to just being another undergrad student,  _ after _ those theoretical next Games. He's fought hard for the freedom and relative anonymity that he gets so far. But can it last, through another Olympic cycle? 

Can he? 

"Not for me." He says again, leaning in to nuzzle his chin down onto Yuzuru's shoulder and mumble against his neck again. His fingers are still walking back and forth, up and down. Through the thin layer of Yuzuru's shirt, he can feel a little ridge of scar tissue under Yuzuru’s bellybutton. He doesn't remember what that's from.

"School is for now. Skating is too. I'm going to do them both, and not even you can stop me." He sticks his tongue out, a little bit of petulance but also a little tease, because he's so close that the tip of his tongue touches Yuzuru's pulse for a moment. "But you do make it harder. More worth it."

For Nathan, clearly, it's a heavy topic, and a difficult one. Yuzu understands that their situations, with regard to schooling, aren't very similar in that regard. For him, the choice was easy. And university serves a entirely different function in Japan versus the States. And more importantly than any of that, it's Nathan's choice to make. So Yuzu doesn't press the point, even though he wants to know what it would be like to skate against Nathan at his completely unfettered peak. It's an academic curiosity at this point, anyway. Yuzu's starting to wonder if he'll ever have that freedom again, himself.

Yuzu shudders, shivers, sighs softly. Nathan's tongue leaves a wet spot on his neck; his hot breath warms Yuzu's skin, but cools that spot. Yuzu curls one hand into a fist, straining the muscles there, pulling neck to shoulder to elbow to forearm to wrist, rather than allow his shiver to run down his body into his calves. He turns his head aside, briefly touching cheek to cheek with Nathan. It's an awkward little touch of comfort and appreciation.

Nathan watches the shiver travel laterally across Yuzuru's chest and stomach, instead of down his thighs and calves. Understandable, but the amount of bodily control Yuzuru exhibits in that little motion is really astonishing. Nathan's not sure he could do that. He's not sure he ever wants to have to try. 

"You too," Yuzu says then, quiet, still holding the thread of the conversation that has lapsed in the quiet intimacy of physical contact. He extends his arm into the air above them, toward the ceiling. Holding his hand out, fingers spread, he studies the contours of his fingers against the neutral off-white backdrop of the hotel room ceiling. "You make it more fun."

Yuzu breathes with conscious care, slowly. He's ignored the growing awareness of pain in his foot and ankle as long as is possible, and longer than he should have, but he can't any longer. He's out of time, but he doesn't want to end this moment. He wants so much more, so very much more, but it's all out of his reach.

That feeling is depressingly familiar.

Yuzu lets his arm drop, folding his hand down onto his chest, over Nathan’s. "I don't want you to have to leave," he murmurs, careful with his wording. It'd be nice if Nathan didn't have to leave. But he does, because he mustn't see Yuzu in any greater state of disrepair than this. This, Yuzu is comfortable with. More... absolutely not.

"I don't want to have to leave." Nathan agrees, a little bit mournfully. "But needs must. I'm off the hook for the rest of tonight, but after that... Booked up solid."

"I'm sorry," Yuzu says, meaning it deeply, and he finds Nathan's hand with his own and laces their fingers together tightly. "Kikuchi and Ghislain come back soon, and I not want you to see --" He frowns, looking for the word that's skittered just out of his reach. "That," he tries, gesturing toward his foot with a grimace. "Take care of it is...messy.  _ I  _ messy."

"You don't have to be sorry." Nathan responds with equal fervor. "If you don't want me to see you at your lowest, the least I can do is respect that. I wish I could be here to help- I wish that my being here was capable of helping. But I know how I'd feel in your position. I respect that." 

It goes without saying that Yuzu's been having just  _ that  _ sort of day, the kind that starts on such an extraordinary note of disaster that everything bad that comes after it seems so much more manageable, so much less of an irritation than it would normally be. Injuring himself - that's going to be the worst part of  _ any  _ day, no matter what else happened before or after.

But clearly, some cosmic synchronicity with an unpleasant sense of humor is determined to test that theory.

_ THUNK THUNK. _

Yuzu's eyes fly open wide, and he shoves himself up to sit, ignoring the pain that stabs like a lance through him as he does it. He looks at Nathan, eyes wide, all pretense of his unworried, blase confidence gone.

Nathan had been going to say more, or maybe just kiss Yuzuru to reassure him before he starts thinking about getting up- and then the knock on the door. A thump, actually, a pounding. Not a careful tap of knuckles but a full side-of-fist bang. It makes sense- whoever it is probably suspects Yuzuru is either asleep, or maybe in the bathroom, or possibly hiding away in his expensive headphones. Either way, they need to know hard and loud to get his attention. 

_ THUNK THUNKTHUNK _ . 

_ "Yuzu? It's Ghislain. I'm coming in, okay?" _

But Yuzuru's very awake, especially now, and so is Nathan, and he sits up in the same motion Yuzuru does, hand questing until their fingers brush together and then thread together into a single unit. Nathan looks around, waiting for Yuzuru's reaction. This is his room, a member of his team, and his injury. Nathan will follow his lead.

"Fuck," Yuzu breathes, because his brain's still running in English, because ten seconds ago he was snuggling with Nathan Chen, because no, he's not willing to hide his friendship with Nathan anymore, but does that resolve have to be tested  _ today _ ? _ After everything else? _

He looks at Nathan, holds his gaze. Swallows hard. "Come in," he calls, his grip on Nathan's hand firm and squeezing tight.

Yuzu welcomes Ghislain into the room, and Nathan works on keeping his calm. 

It’s good, Nathan thinks, that the visitor is not Brian, which Nathan is silently thankful for. He suspects Brian isn't quite as... gruff, as Raf. Based on what he's seen in interviews, what he's overheard at the boards, and stories Adam has told of his time at the Cricket Club. But even so, Yuzuru is his star child, much the way Nathan is Raf's. Practically a second father, Nathan suspects, and so he can't begin to imagine the kinds of reactions Brian Orser might have to finding his star pupil's biggest rival in bed with him. 

This isn’t Yuzuru's trainer either, the slim and focused Japanese man who's always in the training rooms helping Yuzuru stretch. As a younger skater, before he got to know Yuzuru, he often caught himself watching the two of them, the way they communicated with their bodies as much as the language Nathan didn't understand. A small part of Nathan was always struck by a peculiar pang of jealousy over their relationship. He couldn't afford a full-time trainer. He only ever saw athletic trainers when he was dealing with injuries. No one knew Nathan's body like Nathan did. He wasn't sure then- and still isn't sure now- if anyone else ever would. 

No, this is Ghislain Briand. A coach, yes, but a technical specialist. And also, most of the time Nathan sees him, smiling. 

Nathan squeezes Yuzuru's hand, waits for the older man to come further into the room so he can see that Yuzuru isn't alone, and then he speaks. "Hi. Mister Briand, right? I'll be out of your way in just a second, okay?" 

Ghislain's surprise is clear on his face, and Yuzu clamps down on Nathan's hand, stubborn. He doesn't want Nathan to see him like this, but he doesn't want Nathan to feel like he has to leave, either. And for Nathan to leave right after Ghislain comes in - that would send the wrong energy, to all of them.

"Nathan Chen," Ghislain's saying, sounding the name out slowly as if he's checking to make sure it's right, or that he's seeing right. He stands at the neck of the room, toeing off his shoes, and casts an appraising gaze over Yuzu and Nathan both.  Yuzu squares his jaw. But Ghislain's tone remains light and friendly. "I didn't realize you were in Moscow. What a nice surprise?"

Yuzu rushes to explain. "Nathan visiting Rafael before IDF, come early for Marin-san," he says. "I ask him here. He is not trouble."

Ghislain laughs, puts his bag down, and crosses the room, perching at the foot of the bed beside Yuzu's feet, in the place where Nathan's were a moment ago before he sat up. "Well, obviously he's not, or else you would have called someone. I see he's been helping you ice, too, that's good."

"Well, sort of." Nathan laughs. "We'll be training here for a couple of days, actually. It's a holiday in America next week, so flights would have been a lot more if I'd gone straight to Grenoble." Nathan knows he pronounces the city name incorrectly, but his mouth has never been good at shaping French words.

“That’s a lot of flying,” Ghislain comments lightly, making a sympathetic grimace. “Stay rested as best as you can.”

“I will,” Nathan says. He ducks his head, a deferential nod. 

Yuzu knows Ghislain fairly well. He knows that Ghislain's seeking information in his own way, encouraging them to extrapolate on his assumptions rather than dissecting their silences like Brian would.  Still, that doesn't mean Yuzu's confident that Ghislain will definitely come to the correct conclusions, or that he wants to let him do so without Yuzu's own guiding hand.

Yuzu rubs the back of Nathan's hand with his thumb, a soothing stroke. But it's also deliberate, a small motion that Ghislain sees, and takes note of. 

There’s a quiet chess game going on here- not necessarily an aggressive one, but definitely one that demands care. Nathan marks the look that Ghislain gives Yuzu, and feels, more than sees, the regard Yuzu’s offering Ghislain. He reflexively answers Yuzuru's thumb across the back of his hand with a gentle flex- not quite a squeeze, but hinting at it. Probably not even visible to Ghislain. But even if it is, Yuzuru's the one establishing the parameters in this situation. Nathan's just doing his best to follow his lead.

When Ghislain looks back up, meeting Yuzu's eyes again, it's with a very faint furrow in his brow. "You feeling better?" he asks, setting aside the questions that seem more pressing in favor of the ones that actually are. "You look calmer."

"I am okay," Yuzu answers, and he's both surprised and pleased that the smile he gives Ghislain is a really, fully genuine one. "It hurts a lot, but I am alright."

Ghislain frowns, glancing from Yuzu to Nathan and back. "Should we do like the doctor said?"

Yuzu bites his lip, looking down at his knees, his fingers fiddling with the fabric of his sweatpants, the subtly embossed floral print on the hotel's comforter. Those things are not his hand in Nathan's, or Ghislain's expression, or his own foot, and so they're much less challenging.

He exhales sharply, more out of habit than need, but whereas Yuzu is accustomed to having arrived at a decision by this point, after just a few steady moments of heavy thought, this time he's reached no conclusion, constructed no declaration to follow up that emphatic breath. No  _ paa  _ to follow the  _ shuu. _

Yuzu looks at Ghislain, then at Nathan. He doesn't even know what to say, how to put into words what he wants. 

If Nathan stays, then the injury isn't that big of a deal. Then they can continue hanging out, maybe kissing, spending time that's unworried and unhurried. If Nathan stays, then Yuzu isn't yet confined to his insulated bubble of physical therapy, painful recovery, isolation, and frustration. Nathan being here is like keeping the door propped open. The skating world can still get in, and Yuzu can still feel connected to it.

"Um."

It’s clear to Nathan that Ghislain and Yuzuru are really trying to talk  _ around  _ something- whether they're doing so because Nathan's present, or because Yuzuru doesn't want to talk about whatever it is in general, he's not sure. But he thinks he can help remove the obstacle.

"I can't stay too much later," Nathan says, glancing over to meet Yuzuru's concerned gaze. It’s an offering, an out. "But I'll stick around as long as I'm welcome." He hopes that makes sense- that if Yuzuru wants him to leave, he will, respectfully. That if he wants him to stay, he'll do that too. That Yuzuru's feelings about the matter are what's most important right now, to Nathan.

"You are so kind," Yuzu says, and his smile is watery, wobbly now, because nothing brings the tears back like physical and mental pain stacked together, multiplying each other. "It make me want to be selfish."

With a last squeeze, Yuzu lets Nathan's hand go, and pulls himself brusquely together. "You. Should go. I need painkiller, and shower, and I will whine like baby. It not pretty." His tone is teasing, and his eyes are warm, but he's pulled back a bit, distanced himself, and he’s not trying to pretend otherwise, either.

Nathan catches the glint of tears in Yuzu’s eyes before he lets go of Nathan's hand, and it's almost too much to bear. Nathan almost recants on his offer immediately- he  _ can't _ be particularly graceful about leaving him  _ like this _ . But that speaks of more to their relationship than Nathan's entirely sure he's ready to dissect in this moment, and so when Yuzuru forcefully pulls himself together, Nathan follows suit, clearing his throat and nodding brusquely. 

"Of course." He shoots Yuzuru a grin, all performance but hopefully a good one. Purposefully rakish. "I wouldn't want anyone to see me throwing a fit either. Rest well." 

"It was good of you to come keep Yuzuru company, Nathan," Ghislain says, extending his hand to shake. "I hope we haven't thrown off your training schedule too badly."

Nathan accepts Ghislain’s handshake, remembering that, duh, all of Yuzuru's coaches are Canadian. Ghislain isn't expecting the formal distance of a bow. Ghislain's grip is firm and it says... _ something _ but Nathan's not quite sure what. He thinks it's just  _ be careful _ in some way, but there's so many ways that could be taken that Nathan decides to just ignore it instead. He simply releases Ghislain's hand, shrugging one shoulder as he goes. 

"Happy to. Rafael is busy with Marin tonight, anyway. Honestly, being here wasn't keeping me from training- just from studying." 

Meanwhile, Yuzu’s frowning, not appreciating way Ghislain's words, and body language, are urging Nathan out the door. But Yuzu himself  _ just  _ said Nathan had to leave, so...Ghislain's politely thanking him before he leaves. The problem, really, is that Yuzu both wants Nathan to leave, and desperately doesn't want him to.

Nathan circles the bed so he can hug Yuzuru, and gives him an extra little squeeze around the waist to let him know that he feels like they're splitting apart too quickly, too suddenly, as well, but this is for the best. 

"Thank you for texting," Yuzu tells Nathan, accepting his hug gratefully. He wishes Ghislain weren't here, so he could kiss Nathan goodbye properly, or even let the hug linger as long and as closely as he wants it to. But if they kiss again, he won't let Nathan leave.

"I'll see you at Vancouver, ok?"

Nathan pulls back from the hug with a sad smile in his eyes. He can't help himself- he leans back in to touch his forehead to Yuzuru's, just for a moment. "Only if you're ready."

Yuzu nods, squares his jaw. Doesn't let himself think about how strongly he wants Nathan's closeness, his warmth, to stay. Doesn't think about what that means.

"I will be."

The door shuts heavily behind Nathan, and Yuzu tries not to let it bother him. Tries to be grateful for the small amount of time, unexpected and precious, that they did have. Tries to think good things.

Ghislain's hand on his shin, touching lightly in consolation, helps. A little.

**Author's Note:**

> Probably the next part of the series that I post will be a rewind, back to the beginning of their ~Thing~ at 4CC. Maybe.
> 
> Thanks to KSSC for the support, as always; this is un-beta'ed and has been rather yeeted, honestly, in terms of editing, so if you find errors, please point them out to me!
> 
> Also? thank you to the boys themselves, because today's press conference was [finally, some good fucking food] meme-worthy. Holy shit.
> 
> *
> 
> we are capra and chupacabra, and we thank you for reading.


End file.
